
Oh, how I swore. There is blackberry and apple juice all over the kitchen. I’d just boiled up two kilos of apples and two kilos of blackberries with a litre of water and left it all simmering until the apples were soft and squidgy.
I should have known something would go wrong. The muslin was even more difficult than usual to get onto the tripod support. I’d just washed it and it kept on slipping off or knocking the legs out from the top ring around which you have to stretch it.
Anyhow, I got it on eventually and started to load it up, but as I reached about three quarters of the way through, and the juice had already started to run into the bowl, it slipped. The whole thing. And it happened so quickly it wasn’t even one of those things where you see it all happening in slow motion – not that I could have done anything if I did, as I had a measuring jug in one hand and a ladle in the other so I couldn’t have stopped it.
The bag and fruit splashed down in the bowl of liquid with the force of an Apollo re-entry and threw the juice everywhere. Up me. On the counter. All over the mixer, microwave and toaster. Up the windows and across the cream curtains. Right up the boiler mounted high on the wall. It even reached the ceiling, which was only painted eight months ago.


I really hope the neighbours didn’t hear the short, sharp obscenity coming through the wall.
It took forever to clear up, which delayed the jam-making considerably. Even now, after two thorough goings-over, the floor and worktops are just as sticky as they were when I’d been trying to stop the elderflower champagne from exploding out of the bottles. Yuck.
Anyhow, it’s pretty much cleared up now – an hour later. The curtains are in the wash, and the equipment is all in the dishwasher. I’ve rebuilt the muslin support and rather gingerly loaded it up again with pulp, although this time with a clip on it for extra support.
If it works this time and I get some bramble and apple jelly out of it I’ll post the recipe on here.
The cat, rather wisely, hid in the lounge on top of the re-packed tent throughout the whole episode. Just as well – if he’d been eating at his bowl he’d have been covered..

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Sorry. But this is so hilariously funny I may have to go lie down.
Snorting into your coffee like that is hardly lady-like.
Hilarious! I mean – how horrible for you! My screen is covered in snot now.
Anna x
Also couldn’t help but laugh – it soon turned to calls of “aww” when I sat the picture of your cat though. What a cutiepie